Learn how to train the people in your life to do what you want!

Does your husband leave his socks on the floor no matter how many times you have asked him not to? Or does you current boyfriend not buy you flowers as much as you would like?

This semester I took at behavioural learning class and we learnt a lot of useful things, a few of which I am going to share with you!

We learnt about different ways to condition or train people such as using punishment, negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement etc. I am going to tell you a little about positive reinforcement because it is the most effective at getting the behaviours you want. People respond well to it and love receiving it!

Positive reinforcement is when you reinforce a behaviour (with some sort of reward) that increases the likelihood of the behaviour being performed again. So what we want to do is get our husbands to help us with some house work, or buy more flowers, or be more loving etc. Here are a few tips to get the behaviours you want from people.

Sheldon uses positive reinforcement on Penny.

Firstly, the golden rule - what you reinforce, is what you get!
If you are always picking at your partners faults, or picking up on what they didn't do, you are likely to see more of this. When you say 'you forgot to hang up the washing, again!', or 'will you ever help me with the housework' you are reinforcing the behaviour you don't want. The trick to positive reinforcement is to STOP. Stop nitpicking, fault finding and addressing the behaviour you didn't want to see.

So, step two is to reinforce the behaviours you want to see. This takes ignoring behaviours you didn't want to see and focussing wholely on what your partner or child etc did do that you liked. For example, rewarding or praising your child or husband for the behaviours you liked; 'Honey, thank you so much for _____. I am so grateful I have a husband who is so caring'. Or if they have left their socks on the floor again; 'Honey, thank you for putting most of you clothes in the basket, I am so appreciative when you do this'  because the behaviour you are reinforcing is putting clothes in the basket.

You will find that when you start to notice and reinforce the behaviours you want to see you and your partner will be much happier, become closer and it will allow love to flow between you.

Positive reinforcement also is extremely effective with children! It allows them to know what you expect but also gives them the freedom and confidence to try other similar behaviours (this is called generalisation).

For me and Jacob it was really fun and it made us really happy when we began practising positive reinforcement. We were clear on the behaviours we liked and it helped us get closer as we were always being positive reinforcement. I found that Jacob started doing behaviours I reinforced, for example, the dishes more often, and clothes in the laundry etc.
Sometimes Jacob says to me 'you're trying to use positive reinforcement on me again, aren't you??', but honestly, even if they notice its still works... and everyone loves a bit of positive reinforcement in their life. Believe me, it works!

For more information and insight read 'Don't shoot the dog by Karen Pryor.

Make-Up Tips - HAC yourself flawless

Okay, so you're going somewhere that is guaranteed to be swarming with potential dates and you have just GOT to look your best.

Here is what you need to know.

Highlight and Contour your face. They're calling it 'HAC' in Pinterest land. If you aren't on Pinterest, get on there. Stat.

Anyway, so the idea is that you use your ordinary makeup items (you can use the specific products she suggests or just use what you have) to contour your face so that you have a much more flattering look. And it's simple! I can do it, therefore, simple :) It's perfect for dates, photo shoots, or just going to work when you want to look hotter. And who doesn't want to spend five minutes making themselves look hotter.

This girl is already gorgeous on the left, but look how with a few simple make up tips her face looks so much better:

Click the picture above to follow the link to her website where you can see a few pictures and at the bottom there is a video where you can do it step by step with her. Get ready to change your life :)

The Romance of an Old Style Dance

I play in a band and one of the regular performances that we do is an old style dance. 

Features of the night are swing and rock and roll music and dances such as the Pride of Erin and the Progressive Barn Dance. Now I must admit, the average age of the people who attend is what may be described as ‘mature’. Despite this, I love sitting on the stage watching the couples, some of who have obviously been married for many years and the way the spend time together. Things I have noticed about the couples who seem happy and content with each other are

1.     They spend the night at each other’s sides. They walk in together, they dance together, they sit next to each other, usually side by side holding hands with the other person. Then at the end of the night together they bid farewell and arm in arm they walk out together.

2.     When they dance they focus on each other. They have little moves they have worked out together that they add to make their style individual. They are unconcerned about how the other couples dance. They are there to dance with the other person and that is enough.

3.     They are thoughtful of each other. Though out the night one person may get a drink for the other or lead them to the bathroom and wait outside for them. They make sure the other person is feeling well and having a good time.

4.     The obviously enjoy each other’s company and are happy to be spending the night together.

How nice to be able to spend your retirement years with a person that you love, respect and adore. I have a few years yet but I look forward to it. J

Love in every sense of the word!

I thought I would change the pace a little and talk about another kind of LOVE.  We talk about loving and doing special things for our kids our marriage and our husband/partners but what about SELF-LOVE!  Self-love, self-worth, self-esteem to me it is all combined.  As mothers and as women we naturally think of others more than ourselves.

Over the last 6 months I have gone on my own 'journey' I have always been a fit person involved in sports from a young age competing in swimming and running at a national level.  When I had the girls I must be honest, I 'let myself go a bit'.  It was more of a time factor and care factor.  I enjoyed spending time with the girls, between work and running my business the time just didn't permit me to do exercise.

One day I decided its time to get back into shape, its time to put some ME time aside.  So I set out on a 'journey'.  I enrolled myself in a 12 week body transformation program and right from the get go I was determined to shed some of the weight I was carrying.  Over the 12 weeks I shed 10.5kg (23lbs) and over 45cm and my entire outlook on myself changed.  I was back to my confident self, I LOVED how fit I felt, I LOVED how healthy I was eating, I LOVED how my body looked, I LOVED my little girl telling me my bum was little like hers (hehehehe) and I LOVED how hubby LOVED my new/old (pre-baby) body again.

My tips are:

• Do it for you!!! Not hubby but for you, you deserve to feel sexy, fit and healthy
• PLAN - organisation is the key, if your not organised you will be your own worst enemy
• MAKE TIME - either you have to get up at 5am to go to the gym or a run or whatever your fitness of choice is, just make the time and stick with it.
• Set goals and WRITE them down - as a kid my mum would sing me this song - 
• Set a goal and you will never fail, you can always do what you want to d;
•  Set a goal be sure to write it down and you'll see what it can do for you.
• Teach your children - my oldest is 3.5yrs and she would see me doing sprints or lunges, squats, push ups and want to be involved, so I showed her how to do them and she would exercise along side me. One day she asked me if I would take her for a run, so I did and she ran 1km!!!! She's only 3.5yrs old but she saw Mummy staying fit and wanted to do the same.

You CAN do it!!  My Personal Trainers motto is "NO EXCUSES"

You can do it Ladies, your never too old, never too fat, never too unfit.  You have to start somewhere and sometime and that can be today!  Something as small as starting with a walk around the block, take your kids, let them ride their bikes or push them in the stroller.  YOU CAN DO IT.

Those Moments that Change Everything

I watched a movie the other day called Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It was a story where she is on a search to find herself and balance in life. In the end, just as she finds her balance she ends up finding the man of her dreams. But to really be with him, her new found balance had to be completely thrown off with a spur of the moment decision. There is a guru that predicts events on her path and gives her amazing advice throughout the movie. I wrote down something he said. This isn't a direct quote because I modified it but I give full credit to the movie. What I wrote I down was “You lose your balance in life, you lose power but sometimes you need to lose your balance for love.”

It’s interesting how love works. People always say that you will find the right person when you least expect it and I think it is usually when you finally are ok with yourself as you are. If that time doesn't come when you are younger, sometimes we get more and more withdrawn and nervous about love, like the risk gets bigger (or so it seems). But if you allow yourself to do something different, even for a moment, who knows the happiness or even just the learning experience it could bring. It is easy to stay safe but it makes the day so much more worthwhile if you smile at that person whose eyes you have been avoiding, say a quick hello to people as you walk by, ask that guy to dance you have been eyeing off all night, wink at the cute guy in the car next to you and maybe even drop a hint to the one who has been chatting to you for weeks.

If you keep guarding your life’s path then no one will have to chance to cross over it. I think we all need to get out of balance sometimes because you can only progress by learning to juggle new things. If you have already found that special someone maybe there is something you can do to alter it for the better, perhaps all you need to do is take an extra moment to make them feel special. 

What are some moments that you took which completely altered your life? 

He stole your heart? Arrest him!

So, I wouldn't usually direct you to someone else's blog... BUT! I loved this.

It's a fun date where you arrest your partner or date because he Stole Your Heart.

Click on this link and check it out. Comes with printables and everything you need to pull this date off! Might take a little prep, but what good things don't!

ENJOY!!

Dating is just as easy at home!

I love a good dinner at home. I say it all the time, but I think a vase of flowers and a nice tablecloth change the whole feel of dinner. Or set up a cute picnic blanket in the living room and use your picnic and create some casual romance in your 'date at home'. Plastic wine glasses are still wine glasses.

But what should you cook that's delicious, simple and not going to give you a heart attack?

Drinks:
Your choice, but use wine glasses for whatever it is!
Non-alcoholic wine is usually my go to. Or Sparkling Apple Juice.

 

Entree:
Cheese, grapes and crackers.
I just can't go past it. It's easy, delicious, and you can get whatever type of cheeses you like. Mmm. Why grapes work so well in there, I have no idea.

Main:
Chicken Enchiladas
Maybe it doesn't sound that exciting, but these are really yum and easy to prepare ahead of time. You can even freeze the whole thing, defrost when ready and then put in the oven for 20 mins for a perfect, easy and delicious meal sure to satisfy.
To make it look cute, serve it on top of sliced lettuce and tomato pieces. Makes it look cute, rather than having a salad beside it. You'll find the recipe at the bottom of this post.

Dessert:
Lemon Brownies
These are amazing. I'm doing a chocolate free year so I am always looking for something delicious and rich without it being chocolate. This is it. Add ice cream or cream if you like. I also realllly like mini pavlovas for their cute factor on a date night. So you can choose. The recipe for the lemon brownies is also at the bottom of the post.

Enjoy your date night!!

Recipes:

CHICKEN ENCHILADAS

Ingredients

Meat of ½ BBQ chicken, shredded.

1 x taco seasoning sachets

1 tin diced tomatoes

1 jar passata

1 small tub sour cream

1 small tub cottage cheese

Spray oil (or small amount of oil)

Grated cheese

Tortillas

Optional grated vegetables

Directions1.     Preheat oven to 180 degrees.2.     Fry chicken in oil with taco seasoning. Add diced tomatoes, pasta sauce, sour cream and cottage cheese and cook until combined.3.     Pour a large scoop of the mix into a tortilla and roll up. Place in a large baking dish. Repeat until you have a layer of rolled up tortillas. 4.     Scoop some mixture and pour on top of the layer of rolled tortillas.5.     Begin a second layer, with the tortillas facing the opposite direction. Continue until layer is complete. 6.     Scoop some more mixture and pour on top of the rolled tortillas.7.     Top with grated cheese.8.     Bake til cheese is melted and tortillas look slightly crispy.9.     Best served with salad and sour cream.

LEMON BROWNIES

Ingredients:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup flour
2 eggs, large
2 tbsps lemon zest
2 tbsps lemon juice
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon sea salt

For the tart lemon glaze:
4 tbsps lemon juice
8 tsps lemon zest
1 cup icing sugar

Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease an 8×8 inch baking dish with butter and set aside.
3. Zest and juice two lemons and set aside.
4. In the bowl of an electric mixture fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the flour, sugar, salt, and softened butter until combined.
5. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, lemon zest, and lemon juice until combined.
6. Pour it into the flour mixture and beat for 2 mins at medium speed until smooth and creamy.
7. Pour into baking dish and bake for 23-25 mins, should turn golden around the edges.
8. Allow to cool completely before glazing. Do not overbake, or the bars will dry.
9. Filter the powdered sugar and whisk with lemon zest and juice.
10. Spread the glaze over the brownies with a rubber spatula and let glaze set.
11. Cut into bars and serve.