Getting through the dull patches

Every relationship has them. Spots where the grass isn’t growing as lush as it should, waterfalls where the wall has ceased flowing, dull patches where the fire is more comfortable warmth than a burning fire. I’m not suggesting these relationships are bad or in a downward spiral, with fighting, depression or difficulties. I’m just talking about times when things are a little ‘flat’.

So I have a few suggestions of little things I’ve done to ensure dull patches last a day, not a lifetime.

1.       Be excited. When you see your man at the end of a day, be excited. Go to him, hug him, kiss him. Gross your kids out with affection. He will love it.

 2.       Dress up. As sexy as you look in track pants with your hair matted up into a bun, it is really fun and surprising occasionally dress up for dinner (or any other day's event). If you’re married, put flowers on the table. I’m not talking massive effort. Just a little vase, flowers, and drink your water out of wine glasses instead of plastic baby cups. If you’re not, dress up for your date to McDonalds and make it fun.

3.       Laugh. Watch a comedy together. Tease each other. Play a board game. Do an exercise video together (I must tell you, this was a crack up. Especially yoga/pilates. Try it!)

 

4.       Hold hands. I’m such a holding hands advocate. A fun idea is to hold hands together and not let go while you cook dinner. So you’ll have to share the jobs together. He’ll have to hold the carrot while you cut it, you’ll have to hold the pot while he stirs etc. It’s bound to be fun! We actually progressed from holding to hands to putting a hand in each other’s back pocket. Butt grab. Woo!

5.       Say I love you. All the time. In fun ways. Flirty text messages are always fun. Just do it!

Dull patches don’t have to stay dull for long. Maybe you’re busy and not seeing much of each other, maybe you are just bored, maybe children are getting in the way of the two of you. It’s ok. Little simple acts will really make a difference to your day.

I am ashamed and oh so disappointed with myself *bows head in shame*.  After my husband read my previous post he quietly came and sat beside me on the couch and mentioned to me the passion and love he felt behind it, he gave me a great big hug and kiss and thanked me for my kind words. I felt slightly saddened that he didn't already know these things and know how much I was grateful for him and everything he does for our little family.

Source

I don't know about you but I know I personally get upset when he doesn't mention how clean the house is, or how dinner was amazing or how good I look today or how he appreciates me sacrificing my career to stay at home and raise our little family.  But how can I expect him to notice and comment on those things if I'm not giving him the love, attention and most of all the appreciation he deserves!

Source

As I have previously posted he is one of the most helpful husbands I have ever seen, he is hands on and helps with everything from the moment he walks in the door and our 2 girls lovingly run into the arms of there much loved Daddy.  I swear they love and adore him more then me! hahaha When our youngest daughter cries during the day she always cries for "Daddy"  I think its because I'm the disciplinarian so am a bit for of the 'bad guy' but I know they love me. :D  Anyway back on track please....

Source

So it was that I challenged myself to appreciate him more, to tell him how handsome he looked every morning before he walked out the door, to make sure he got his goodbye kiss and butt squeeze, to tell him how much I appreciated him bathing the girls.  I know on a scale of husbands he is a pretty damn good one! He does a heck of a lot more then most and I am so truly grateful for his willingness to be my companion and partner in EVERYTHING.  Without making you all too jealous, he is amazeballs!  Up until about 6 months ago he did about 90% of the cooking and pretty much all of the kitchen clean up!  He is always there to tuck the girls in and make up a story for them, he is always excited to take them to the park or go for a bike ride with them, as I said he is amazeballs!

Source

So what did I notice in my little experiment, well I noticed a number of things, we as a couple had even better communication with each other, we talked more about our day what we had done, how we felt and everything.  We cuddled more then normal, we lovingly glanced at each other more often and it was amazing, we embraced every moment we had together as a couple and as a family. Maybe it was because I was more hyper aware of everything but it was a fantastic week!!  I think I will just have to permanently attempt to declare my appreciation and gratitude more often.

I guess the whole point of this post was for me to verbalise that I shouldn't expect so much from him in regards to appreciation if I in return am not doing the same.  I think the saying is "treat others as you would like to be treated".

Source

Go and do! Don’t just sit and stew!

Love is one of those things that you can’t plan when it happens, but you can make sure that you are always sharing it and are open to it. It can be special, unique and your own. It’s something that you need to take moment by moment and be creating in each moment. Here are some of my thoughts on how you get what you want in this area.

I need to share a little secret with the world! I like dating! I find it so fun and so rewarding when you get to learn lessons from different experiences and just be there to learn about another person! I am only 25, and with my limited years of life experience I have come to learn a few very important lessons. I thought I would start by sharing one of the most important motto’s that I have adopted in my life: “Go and Do, Don’t just Sit and Stew.”

I have come to learn that most people have the love life that they deserve. I hope that doesn’t come across the wrong way but if you want something you need to be willing to do what it takes to make it happen and if you don’t know what it will take to make it happen, you have to take the actions to experiment and learn how to make it happen.

We as humans like to come up with plenty of excuses as to why we can’t have what we want. In relating this to the dating world, I can give you an example, perhaps you see a guy and think “oh he is cute, I should go talk to him”, but then the next things that crosses your mind is ‘oh no I couldn’t do that because...’ and then you come up with a million what ifs that scare you off. You may not even notice this as you being scared, because all your reasons are so well ingrained into yourself and your view of how we should act in society. Well imagine what your dating life would be like without the what ifs or the what would they thinks or the I’m not good enoughs? Pish Posh!

 

You know what, guys used to freak me out! Talking to them, being on a date with them (especially with the cute ones that I was actually attracted too) yep it was really nerve wracking for a while there. Until I realized that they are probably just as scared of me as I am of them. I got rid of my what ifs (I still have them, I just don’t listen to them, the less you listen to them, the less you start to have) because they were all made up any way and I decided that if I liked someone or wanted to do something, then I was going to do what it took to make it happen! Go and Do! Don’t just sit and stew! And you know what happens, you stop caring so much about the little things like “oh but my hairs not right today” “I think I look fat in this” “I might get embarrassed” (If you get embarrassed, it probably means you’ll have a cool story to tell your friends later!) and you find that you can actually be there for another person and see yourself and them for who they really are.

 

What I found is that when I am out there doing the things that come into my mind, things just work! Sometimes you get into relationships and sometimes you don’t but you are being led to what you really want! Eventually you will find it and I bet it is when you least expect it, because that is when you have enough so that you really deserve it!

Diary of a Glamorous House Wife

I like to think I am an educated person. I have a degree in music and education and can play six or seven musical instruments and sing to a level of skill where (most) people listening no longer cringe.  I am fairly well travelled and have visited the US, Europe, Asia and NZ, I like movies, fine dining and fashion. So with all these skills the logical choice for my full time career is… you guessed it, wife and mother! 

While some people may feel this is not an overly glamorous career, I invite you to pull up a chair, stay a while and read along as this glamour queen takes to the stage!

  

Having been married for nearly 10 years now prepare yourself for what’s in store! I love my husband more and more every day, so after 10ish years… that’s a lot! He is my sole mate, he completes me, it’s like we are two halves of a cookie that have been joined back together, I adore him. What I’ve learned is to appreciate the little quirky things that happen in marriage and to make the most of the time we have together, because with 3 kids that’s not a lot!

 

One of the things we do is each night when the kids have gone to be we have ‘our time’ where we spend any where from half an hour to two hours chatting, watching a movie or playing a game together on the couch. Being the glamorous gal I am, last weekend just for fun, I dressed in formal wear. We lit candles and we danced in the living room and made ice cream Sundays. It was a fun night!  

Another night Andrew fell asleep on the couch holding a drink bottle full of water. When he drifted off he must of let the bottle tip over and I walked in to find him legs spread on the couch with a huge growing wet patch on his crotch… (glamorously) I laughed until I cried, he’s just so dang cute.  

These are the fun things about being married! Having fun together and loving each other. Things aren’t always perfect but we are perfect for each other!

♪♫♪ Let's start at the very beginning, that's a very good place to start ♪♫♪

My name is Rachel HuckfeIdt and I am married, its been 2,932 days since I was last....well single, for those of you struggling to work it out that's 8 years and 10 days.  Its amazing how fast time really does fly, for instance, I can remember the day and moment my eldest daughter, Cassidy, was born and now she is telling me "She's growing big" and "needs me to put her eyes on" (that's her wanting me to put make up on her! Yeah not happening Sweetheart!)

Anyway jumping ahead of myself here, lets go rrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiight back to the start, where it all began...long, long ago in a far off place.....oh wait wrong story!

Photo taken 2,932 days ago!

Its cliché but it really does feel like yesterday, that I boarded a plane to travel across the Tasman to embark on a new journey and create a new home for me in Australia. I was born and raised in a small Mormon community in New Zealand, almost like our own little slice of Utah! I had spent 2 years studying at BYU Hawaii and once I returned home I decided I needed wide open spaces, room to make big mistakes (though I never made any *cough, cough*)

The 2nd week I was in Australia I was attending the YSA ward (church) in Brisbane and while waiting outside Bishops office, to introduce myself and have an introductory interview, I was introduced to a very handsome and tall ward clerk (they help the Bishop do administration).  He nervously joked that he was Bachelor of the year, I politely giggled and that was the end of that awkward encounter.

Over the weeks I became close friends with 2 amazing young women, Katrina and Anna, they helped introduce me around and became dear friends.  While at a fireside one night I sat 3 seats down from this ‘ward clerk’ again and we exchanged glances and winks.  While congregating in the halls after there was a girl giving an ear full to a number of guys about chivalry and how guys are useless because they no longer ask girls out on dates blah blah blah, we all laughed and rolled out eyes.  

This handsome ‘ward clerk’ not being the kind of guy that doesn't take heed of ear fulls like the one just served, came over and while literally wiping the sweat off his brow asked me on a date.  I thought he was cute and his nervousness just made him cuter.

Source

We went on our first date about a week later, we went to a sushi bar and while I scoffed down about 4 plates of sushi the ‘ward clerk’ didn't eat a thing. I talked his ear off and really enjoyed myself, while he sat quietly looking a little pale, sick with nervousness.  It wasn't until about our 2nd or 3rd date that we all finally clicked that the ‘ward clerk’ was Andrew brother to Katrina and Anna.

Andrew and I dated for 6 weeks before again he nervously asked me to marry him (He lost literally about 20kgs while we dated!!!!)  He is the most loving, kind, gentle and sweet natured person I know.  He genuinely LOVES and respects me and his daughters so very much, he makes us all feel like Queens, he is always there to lend a helping hand, to bathe, feed and clothe the girls so that I can do things I want to do or finish off a task I am doing.  Andrew sacrifices so much of his own time, his time from hobbies or study or work to make us his number one priority.  I am so very proud to call him my husband and to share the rest of my life with him, for time and all eternity.

Love you Babe xxx

Rach

My handsome ‘Ward Clerk’ and “Bachelor of the Year”

Taking Every Little Moment

One thing that has brought so much love and sweetness to my life is this little character.

This little boy has taught my husband and I how to take advantage of the 'little moments'. As parents, you don't get too much time to just be yourselves without a child. So we decided long ago to try to be ourselves and in love, even with him tagging along.

For example, we might not get to plan and go date on our own every week. But we love taking morning and afternoon walks, holding hands - sometimes it's just the two of us holding hands with child in the pram, but other times all three of us might be all holding hands in a line. Cue 'Awwww' here. We find that the holding hands while chatting and enjoying light exercise in nature is really beautiful and special.

Source

Another child included 'little moment' is the catching of each other's eye with a special look. I loveeee when we do this. There is NOTHING I like more than catching Josh looking at me lovingly while I look at him. Sometimes it can be because of something cute our son has done. Sometimes it can be in a moment of silence and we just share in love. And sometimes it just happens.

Source

We also write each other a lot of love notes. Love notes really brighten your day and remind you why you love each other so much. I love finding a special note in my wallet or on the door of the fridge. Josh often finds one in his sock drawer or on his pillow if he comes home at night. One of my favourites was when Noah and I covered Josh's pillow in love heart stickers and notes but he didn't see them because he'd come home late and left the light off so as to not wake me. So when he woke up in the morning, there were love heart stickers all over his face. Nothing says love more than a face full of hearts, right?

Source

Long distance sucks!

Can I get an amen? I love Jacob and I am so excited to marry him in less than 2 weeks! But international and long distance relationships really bite. We decided that I should stay and work in Australia instead of going back to America with him at the start of the year so we could get a bit more ca$h for our Europe trip in July. We can see that was the best decision for us but we have now been away from each other for 95 days! And yes I am counting. 4 days until I see him! This is the longest we have been apart and has been quite the challenge for a couple planning to be married soon so we had to implement quite a few things to keep our love alive and not feel too lonely leading up to our wedding!!

Here are a couple ideas for you if, you too, have been hit with a long distance bomb and are going crazy:

Communication! We used ALL forms of communication that we knew of – texting, skyping, calling, Facebook messages, Google chat, emails, and making Google docs for our upcoming plans together!  Actually, to begin with we couldn’t text and we felt so distant from each other, I hated not being able to have instant communication with him wherever I was. So this really helped us stay sane!

 

Spontaneity! Jacob would randomly surprise me with calls to my mobile, which was sweet and made me feel close to him even though we were millions of miles apart!

 



Love reminders! We would constantly remind each other how much we loved each other and talk about all the things we loved to do together, adventures we can’t wait to get up to together and tell each other everything we love about each other.  We remained close this way and got to feel especially loved this way because nothing was physical.

 

We used who we knew! We also had friends and family members make each other feel special on valentine’s day and other special occasions that we couldn’t be there for.

 

 

 

Basically we just tried to talk as much as we could and stayed up to date with each other. Sometimes I had to ask Jacob to smother me with loving words so I could feel loved by him again. But even though there are SO MANY reasons why long distance really, really, really, really sucks, I’ve realised that it can really bring a couple closer. All you’ve got is you’re words. It really gave Jacob and I a chance to fall in love every we talked and missed each other with nothing physical, only our loving communication. Even though it sucked. Everyday. I know we will look back on this time and really appreciate how our love grew as we missed each other every day and how we kept our love alive.  Keep on the look out for a few wedding pics! I can't wait!!

K xoxo (I love gossip girl)

P.S. We always talk about running up to each other and the airport and Jacob grabbing me and spinning me round. It hasn't happened yet, but I think there is a need for it this time!